Coming back from a dark place is never easy. Often we find ourselves wanting to engage and keep the momentum going, but there are times when we get a sucker punch that knocks us out. I'm here to tell you that whatever progress you make in a day is exceptional... YOU are exceptional.
We live in a social construct where "society" in general has placed a sense of urgency on getting things done and maximizing what you can do in a day. Hey, that's fine and dandy if that type of lifestyle fits you. For many, however, facing the day is a challenge from the moment the eyes open and lasts until the eyes close and sleep has finally arrived. I share this with you because it is a struggle I currently face. In my mind, I want to do everything and be as productive as possible, according to societal standards, but that is not my reality at the moment. I am in recovery, and with that, I am learning to manage what I can manage in a given moment whether it be my thoughts, my emotions, my physical wellness, and the like.
There are days where I know I "should be" doing more, but simply cannot without putting my wellness at risk. There are days where I want to take on the world, but all I can manage to do is take on myself, so to speak. Caring for oneself doesn't mean you are neglectful of others. It simply means you are giving yourself the gift of meeting your needs at whatever pace you can. That is a beautiful thing. That is self care and is is 100% needed!
I've been absent from life for the past six weeks. A lot has happened. Aside from dealing with debilitating panic, anxiety, and major depression, I am working through trauma. Often I feel alone in my fight, but I know I am not. It is my own doing because I, "don't want to bother anyone" or "be a burden" to anyone. This is societal conditioning... Don't listen to that mind chatter. If you feel the need to reach out for ANY type of help... REACH OUT! Creating a cocoon of isolation is detrimental and can further add to trauma, depression, anxiety, and more.
I like to think I am back on track, slowly but surely. I am surviving and now you will hear me roar, so I'd like to think. It may just be a soft meow of a kitten, but in my head it sounds like a roar. There is no set game plan for healing. There is no rule book one must follow. Healing begins by allowing yourself to feel what you are feeling and by giving yourself permission to experience all your emotions. Healing begins with reaching out to people you trust. Healing begins with asking for help. Healing begins with you in whatever way that looks like.
I have survived many traumas in my life, and currently working through a major one. It has profoundly affected me and has triggered past trauma leaving me to feel hopeless and vulnerable, but I know this is a process I must work through. My emotions and thoughts are all over the place, but day by day, bit by bit I have come to a point of openness and honesty sharing with others, "I am NOT ok," but I will be... in time. I am not ashamed of what I am feeling nor should you be, so be kind to yourself. Be understanding of whatever you are working through. Be courageous according to your terms. Be realistic in your process of recovery. It will take time, so instead of hoping to heal according to the minutes you face in a day, heal according to your terms. If you feel an emotion and work through that emotion, you have succeeded! If that same emotion comes back time and time again and you continue to acknowledge it and work through it you are continuing your fight, and thus healing! I APPLAUD YOU!
Please be kind to yourself. Please reach out via phone, text, chat, or email to me or to anyone you are comfortable with. Although many of us feel alone because it is so hard to ask for support, we must change societal conditioning and roar, "I am surviving and reaching out for help." Thank you to everyone who continues to be there. I am forever grateful to you and am here to champion for your care, support, and healing. Remember, self care is NOT selfish... It is vital to your healing and wellness! You are worth that and so much more!!!
Support Contact Information:
RAINN - 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
NAMI - 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
SAMHSA - 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Crisis Suicide Hotline - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Your local Police & Fire Departments via 911